joy

Lev loved to have butterflies on his finger.
It was funny. He could be such an angry, grumpy person and then so gentle and happy.
He would stand there, so still, with a bug or butterfly on him, just watching it.

When in nature, he thrived. Always slowing our hikes, by bushwhacking off trail, making cuts through the switchbacks that I complained caused erosion. He loved to climb to the top of any little hill, stretch his arms out wide, conquering the world.

Lev was very thoughtful, pensive.

In Costa Rica he loved to go out into the woods around our house with his machete, creating destruction, opening new worlds to himself. For his eighth birthday he wanted a machete. It was what all the other kids had already. He wanted another one last year, and on our last visit to Costa Rica we got him one with a leather pouch and a sharpener to go with it in its own little leather pouch. He would go out and cut our high grass and then come back and sit on the porch and sharpen it, very meditative. He liked sharpening knives. We sometimes traded doing dishes for sharpening our kitchen knives. He was so proud of himself if he got it really sharp.

The year we lived in Seattle, his connection with nature was stifled, and he didn't like it much. The first day when we went to school, and saw that the playground was just blacktop, with no grass, I cried but Lev learned to play four square with a vengeance. We would often walk over after school and play together. He adapted quickly to his new city life but still wanted to move to somewhere rural. Here in Sedro-Woolley, he liked using his bow and arrow in our back yard, and eventually talked me into letting him have airsoft guns.

He thought the airsoft guns would change his life, every day would be full of adventure. He was like that with new purchases, happier than anyone I'd ever seen. So full of joy. Then, no matter what it was, a few days later, he was a bit disappointed that it did not keep the joy of the newness. In June he told me that the best thing about buying something new was waiting for the delivery. He loved knowing that something was coming off the UPS truck. Every day had the anticipation, he said. I thought his level of self awareness was impressive even then and I wasn't sure what to do with that knowledge. He knew that soon after the purchase he wouldn't be impressed with the item any more. But, it was worth it for the high of choosing, ordering, waiting, and opening.

Rebecca