Yesterday I found myself going 40 in a 25 mph zone. I looked down at the speedometer, checked to see if there was a cop behind me, noticed that it was all clear, and began to cry. I wanted to get pulled over, to be brought back in time to the last time I got a speeding ticket. It was the spring of 2010, and it was my first ticket ever - really! There wasn't anything that memorable about it, except that many of those moments of my life have now gained significance. The day I got the ticket somehow reminds me of our old life, of happy days with Lev.
It was a Saturday, and I had a science training in Bellingham that day. Lev decided to come with me to Bellingham, 35 minutes north of our house, to hang out with his friend Grady. They were going to go "boffing" (that game they played with a large group of people and foam weapons in Cornwall Park). The plan was to drop him off at Grady's house and then I would go to my meeting. We were running a tad bit late, but I'd still be on time. Then, I took the turn off for the park instead of for Grady's house out of instinct. "Oh well," when we got to the park Lev said he knew a short cut to get to their house. I asked him, "Are you sure? I could just go back to the highway." But he was sure... Well, a few turns into his shortcut we were disoriented and lost. No iPhone, no GPS. But, we had a map. So I pulled over and we figured out where we were and how to get to Grady's house. I was running late at that point, but I wasn't upset. I remember feeling proud of myself for not getting my "undies in a bundle" and not being upset with Lev for getting us lost. We navigated together and got on our way. He was good with the map. After dropping Lev off, I headed to my training, about twenty minutes late at that point, and didn't notice the speed limit dropping from 40 to 25. I got pulled over by an officer waiting at the speed trap and received my first ever ticket. (Apparently I've lost my looks or sweetness.) Getting a ticket is a very slow process, as well, so I ended up about an hour late- a great model for all my teachers at the training.
I'm not sure why that morning sticks in my mind so much, or why I remember it so fondly. It was just a normal morning, but somehow I felt like I was being a good parent, and Lev and I had a really nice drive both ways. He was always entertaining to talk to, and it was nice to just have some mommy-son time to chat. I didn't admit to the rest of the family that I had gotten a ticket for a couple weeks. I remember Jaal asking, "When did you get your first ticket?" and being amused it had been just a couple weeks ago. I got a $125 stipend for attending the training, and the ticket was also $125, so it somehow hurt a bit less.
Part of me really wanted to get another ticket yesterday for going 40 in a 25 zone. It just seemed right- like it would be a joke from Lev. Maybe some day that dream will come true; it seems achievable.
